Girls to get 77.5% reservation in all medical and engineering colleges

Acting to the long standing complaints by boys of engineering and medical colleges, HRD minister Kapil Sibbal has announced that from next year onwards, 77.5% of seats would be reserved for girls in every engineering and medical institution. While rolling out the radical changes here at a press conference in Delhi, Mr. Sibbal said that the decision was taken because of the exponential drop in the percentage of girls seeking admissions in these colleges and the consequent rise in the number of suicide cases by boys whose last words have somewhat been on the lines of “Jeete ji main tumhara na ho saka shayad maut humein ek kar de” and “Aashiq tera ja raha hai yeh duniya chhorkar, bewafa tu jo chali gayi mujhse munh mod kar”. With himself being a wannabe poet, Mr. Sibbal couldn’t help plagiarizing a few of the lines and incorporate them into his upcoming autobiography “Main shaayar badnaam” which he said would be introduced in the curriculum of Ninth standard onwards from next year which would chronicle his journey from Harvard to HRD in a poetic manner. “I hope it inspires millions of today’s youth who see me as a role model and their icon”, Mr. Sibbal said with his trademark lopsided, broad smile. Although his wink while making this statement still remains a mystery to all.

In addition to this, every engineering and medical student would be given CDs of Shah Rukh Khan movies so that the guys can learn how to make any girl succumb to their charms by some really powerful romance packed lines. However, this action of the HRD has irked Mr. Salman Khan who is said to be the ace rival of Mr. Shah Rukh Khan. The former has gone on record by saying, “ladkiyaan Lux saabun se nahaane ya sarson kay kheton me gaane se nahi, gym mein paseena baha kar body banaane se pat ti hain.”

Taking a cue from Mr. Anna Hazare, the boys of engineering and medical colleges had earlier threatened to go on fast unto death until their demands were met with immediate effect. A representative of the student’s union said that they were fed up of having to undergo the trauma of seeing the pictures of their DU friends perpetually surrounded by “hot chicks” with “pouted lips and protruding hips” on Facebook. “.We are even more pained when we see pretty girls uploading pictures with their dogs. It makes us feel insecure and less significant despite being the baton holders of nation’s growth and development. Those are the moments we seriously wish that we also had furs and could do “wow wow” in their tongue. Sometimes we feel as if the pictures carry an implicit message saying “HAHA! NOW WHO’S HAVING THE LAST LAUGH, YOU NERDY BITCH.” Now we will no longer put up to the insult and embarrassment caused to us for being simply technically inclined. It is not our fault that while they were busy applying expensive shampoos to their hair, we were plucking off ours solving some mammoth algebraic equations” Another said.

But Mr. Hazare for whom hunger strike is almost like a profession and in a bid to eliminate any surfacing competition, has suggested a brilliant middle path for the libido ridden techies. Now the boys are all set to launch a nationwide ‘Poke unto death’ in which a girl would be poked on Facebook until the time she accepts to be a friend of the guy poking her. There have been instant reactions of shock, disbelief and disgust by many girls across the nation citing that it is their democratic right to decide who to befriend and who to reject. “This is outrageous and so undemocratic. I mean, we can’t be held at siege like this by some low-on-confidence-high-on-testosterone maniacs. It is not our fault that while we were shampooing our hair to get noticed, those fools were staring at their books with lust in their eyes and drool in their mouths for some stupid equations.” an infuriated girl said.

To this, the guys responded by yelling slogans like “I’m Anna” and “Bharat humaari maata hai, humein bhi romance karna aata hai” and said, “If Anna can do it so can we”.