A letter to God by the letter 'G'

Hello God. How are you? Hope this letter finds you in the best of spirits, wealth and health. And I also hope that you are having a good time sitting up on a pink smoky porch with your Lady and enjoying all the latest happenings on earth with a cup of coffee (Or may be beer, if your wife is cool with it) in your hand.

I’m bothering you with your proceedings because I’m caught up in the middle of a terrible situation out of which I can’t navigate my way. First of all, I must thank you for all the good things that you’ve bestowed upon me. The people of the Eastern hemisphere, especially India, were extra kind to me in extending their warm gesture and treating my existence with some dignity. I was suffixed after the name of every person who was called out with respect like Gupta G, Sharma G, Besharma G, Chadda G, Chaddi G so on and so forth. I was blessed to become the opening letter of the surname of one of the most influential figures of India born till date, Gandhi G. Although I and Miss. B have always been at loggerheads for Gandhi G was also known as ‘Baapu’, but still, I’m the one he was born with. I was as inseparable from him as his dhoti was. But still, B never leaves any chance to discredit me from his name. (B)itch. Anyway, I never knew that one day this man would be kissed by almost the entire population of India in the pages of currency notes for people here in India have a strange habit of kissing and licking their money secretly(especially the policemen and parliamentarians) as if they are trying to arouse it. So much so that the insatiable and neglected wives are now resorting to wearing Gandhi G’s mask so that their husbands take notice of them .Then came my biggest moment of pride. Parle group launched a brand of cheap but yummy biscuits under the name of Parle G to give a sigh of relief to sulking mothers who were facing a tough time in gulping a glass of milk down their kids’ throats and I shot to fame almost instantly and became a celebrity overnight, just like Rahul Mahajan. "G bole toh Genius". My popularity and reputation were reaching sky high and the rest of the alphabets were burning in the flames of jealousy. What losers!

But then, for some unexplained reasons, my career started heading towards a steep descent. First came the grading system in which ‘A’ stood for maximum number of marks and ‘F’ stood for fail. Despite my previous work experience, none of the schools accepted me and all the letters still make wild fun of me by saying “G for Get lost or Go home”. I couldn’t believe my luck. Even F who has a reputation of being the flag bearer of one of the most widely used cusses in the world, makes faces on seeing me. Is this really happening? Just when I thought that the worst was over for me, I was hit by another severe blow when the women’s innerwear makers brought out something called as ‘G string’. Are you kidding me? Don’t you know where you’re throwing me? I mean, I could accept being pushed out by the Schools out of their grading scheme but hanging onto someone’s inner pants is worse than being licked by men! I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t get out of house for two entire months. My neighbor F for being the Fool he is, thought that I had sailed off to some distant land and had even called up his close friends U, C and K to have a suspicious party at my house. When I went to the cops for filing an FIR, they told me that they couldn’t lodge my complaint because F has a stronghold in the FIRs area. Disappointed, dejected and penniless, I had to leave my house in my boxers only. 

Then one day, while I was having the leftovers of ‘Pakoras’ wrapped up in a newspaper, my attention was suddenly caught by some recent major scam that had rocked the entire nation. I would have ignored it completely for scams in India are more common than having babies but I was alerted when I saw the letter G associated with it. On reading the full article, I came to know that you had inflicted the worst on me out of your closet. I was now linked to the rear of one of the biggest scandals to have hit India. From Parle G to 2G. My life was shattered and I didn’t even know what hit me. My forefathers in heavens must have disowned me by now just like I have been outcast here on earth.

Now, when I can’t take anymore of all the insult and ignominy, I’m forced to write down to you stating my plight before I hang myself from the ceiling with a note sprayed on the wall reading "G for Given up”. I hope that you do something about this issue at the earliest and restore my lost pride and respect in the society because dude, without me, even you (God) can neither sign someone's birth or death warrant nor can give autographs to your worshippers.

My best regards

It could have been love

It was a strange sight. Nearly four hundred people had gathered inside the small yet accommodating perimeters of the College Hall to mark and celebrate an eventful journey that was slowly nearing its end. It was the last time that the class of 2011 was to be seen at the same place and every heart had the same wish. A few more days, a few more hours in the safe havens of this place they liked to call College. This was the place where many relations were forged, many were broken, some dreams had shattered and some destinies were fulfilled. And at last, it was the moment of closure for all that had gone by. It was time for them to say goodbye.

The atmosphere was moist with the smoldering hearts whose warmth had penetrated deep into the eyes and had forced a drop or two of tears out of them. It all looked like a pot with myriad emotions bubbling and intermingling with one another, giving out a nostalgic and cherishing aroma. In the crowd of those swarming faces and hearts, all soaked up in a heavenly yellow hued light descending from the ceiling lamps above, there stood Ayushmaan, all dressed up in his new farewell suit. The one he had taken exclusively for that evening. With a smile spread all over his face, he was clicking pictures of his batch mates and placing himself in the glare of many flashes. In his mind, he was collecting every single grain of memory of the people who had once been a part of his life and weaving them in a silken thread as a beautiful souvenir of his glorious present which was just at the brink of dissolving and may be disappearing into past.

There was chaos all around the place with different voices sweeping through the air heavy with fragile and tense words. Yet, amidst so many eyes, he could still recognize the ones emanating a magnetic light from them. The eyes that had enraptured his gaze for many months.  The two windows that opened to a beautiful promise of life. At a distance of a few meters, her face was twinkling like a diamond against the countless hues of the vast commotion that seemed indistinguishable in the vibrant shadow of that evening.

Dhwani. Yes, that was her name, in absolute justification of its meaning, voice. This was the voice that had become the hymn of his heartbeat, the rhythm of his pulses and the light of his soul. Her face was veiled in a partial shimmer of the moon light leaving the brilliant features she was gifted with, exposed. There were unexplained creases all over her face due to weariness of the day and her hair were flying carelessly in every possible direction. Her attire was very plain with no exaggeration, a typical Blue Kurta and a Jeans to go with it, she did not look exactly like a sworn epitome of beauty.

Yet, for Ayushmaan, she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

 His heart was pounding heavily and each of his breath echoed clearly in his ears despite the deluge of voices he was immersed in. He had thought about making a much delayed and needed confession to her. Words were flowing in a wave of haphazardness and were culminating to an unsuccessful attempt of making meaning out of them. He had rehearsed many times in his mind for this moment but he seemed to be forgetting all his sense of coherence on the sight of her. But it had to be done somehow and at this moment only. He knew that in a few months, he would be leaving Delhi for an unknown period of time and would never get a chance to express his heart and its voice would remain unheard forever. He didn’t know whether he was meeting Dhwani for the last time. Fearing the worst, he had decided to pour his feelings out to her that evening.

Nature had also worn its best robe to be a witness of the decisive moment. The evening dusk had just set in and the orange traces of the evening sun were slowly melting away from the sky. The lovely showers had just fallen over the earth as blessing from heavens and the weather was still basking in the bliss of the pleasant coolness of them. The clouds above waited above with bated breaths letting out a soft rumble sometimes wishing him luck.

Mustering all the courage he had been endowed with, he proceeded towards her with ginger steps. His brain was spinning with innumerable anticipations that might follow. He knew he loved her. He was as certain of this as he possibly could be…or perhaps more certain than anything else in the world today.

May be her response would be yes or may be she would say no but oddly the prospect of either of them didn’t thrill or scare him much because deep in his heart he had an unshakable faith upon his love for her. And whatever might be her reply today, he would be at peace with himself for the rest of his life for not betraying or turning against the call of it.

His love was honest, selfless and above all pure. There was never a question in his mind that raised doubts about its credibility or intent. The conscience from which it manifested was absolutely blemish less and lust less. And may be this was the reason that with every step, he could feel his belief growing stronger and stronger in only one assertion that she was indeed, his destiny.

As the crisp breeze gushed past her ruffling and unsettling a few streaks of her hair, she gently closed her eyes may be to seep in every ounce of comfort it gave. Ayushmaan liked to call them “The smiling eyes” which always reminded him of the smile on the face of an innocent new born which was the source of utmost joy and pleasure for everyone around him.

“Hi, Dhwani”, he said in a tone whose gravity he himself could not fathom.

“Hi, Ayush. You look smart in this Suit”, she said

“Haha! Thanks a lot. And you look mesmerizingly beautiful”

“Oh Ayush! Never ever leave a chance to lie or do you? I know I look horrible”, she said in a manner which forced out a suppressed smile from his thoughtful face

“I’m not lying, not this time at least which might as well be the last time we are seeing each other. Believe me, you are one of the most charming girls I’ve ever laid my eyes upon”

 “Now you are seriously making me blush.” There was a restrained euphoria layered very subtly in the overtones of a feigned embarrassment in her voice. “And what is this “last time” affair. College is ending but that doesn’t mean that our friendship ceases to exist beyond its boundaries”

“Ahh! You never know, Dhwani for the journey of life is very strange that tends to make people stranger”

“Yes. But on the same journey strangers become acquaintances and slowly acquaintances transform into life long companions that become as inseparable as one’s soul.” 

 “Agreed but as times change, people also change. Nothing or nobody remains the same. You might be talking like this to me now but who knows after ten years you might not even remember my face or even my name”

“Ok, Mr. Philosopher. It’s always been impossible to win in an argument with you. But let me assure you one thing, that I won’t forget you ever. Not after ten years, not after fifty tears when you’ll need a stick to walk and I would still be whistled at by my grandchildren’s friends or not until I live”

“Jesus! Are you sure that you would keep a spot permanently reserved for a person like me who has at best annoyed you to no limits?”

“Yes, I am”

As soon as she said those words, there was a sustained and unexplained silence hanging in between the breaths they drew. For some moments, neither of them had any clue what to say next.

With a practiced precision, Ayushmaan broke the ice.

“How do you suggest if we go out for a walk? The weather is wonderful”

“Umm..Ok. As you say”, she said as they started walking towards a relatively less populated pavement.

This needs to be done right away, he thought. It’s either now or never. You won’t be with her for a lifetime. No one stays for that long and you’re well aware of the fact. All the promises of being there forever are made in an adrenaline bout which are downright impractical, to say the least. This is your time, this is your chance so don’t let this opportunity slip away from your hands. Say it, say it!!!

“So, how has college life been to you?” he suddenly blurted out in a rush

“Well, it has been eventful or rather wonderful. There were some rough patches, some hard times but that is life, isn’t it? I met some of the most amazing people here and had the fortune of making some really precious friends..like you”

Her last words almost faded into a whisper whose echoes were too loud and irresistible for him to escape. What exactly did she want to say? Was there a hint of implicitness in them that she wanted him to understand? He could never get to the end of the mysterious trail she was unknowingly leaving with each of her utterance.

“Dhwani, please pardon me for this transgression but would you mind terribly if I ask you a personal question?”

“Depends upon how personal it is.” She replied casually

“How come a girl like you is not into any relationship till now? You are intelligent, smart and good looking and yet you don’t have ..umm a boyfriend?” He asked in a hesitant manner that seemed more like an apology.

“Why do I have to have a Boyfriend just for the sake of it? Well, there is no definite or appropriate reply to that question. Just that these things never interested me too much. I was far too absorbed in my studies to spare a thought on this aspect. But yes, I have been approached by a few guys in the past but I could not see them beyond being friends.”

“So that’s with me. Hey! What about you? Why is there no girl in your life? Don’t YOU like someone?” She asked raising her eyebrows in a mischievous arch.

Her question was so unexpected and sudden that it took him a moment to recover from the straightness with which it was posed. All of a sudden the delicate balance between their lives had been disturbed and everything that she knew, thought and felt about him was going to change forever.

He remained silent for a moment and then stopped. He was aware of that the ripple of every syllable uttered by him would come back to haunt him in his future but today, he wasn’t worried about the consequences. He slowly turned towards her, locked his eyes with that of her and letting out a soft sigh, he said, “As a matter of fact, I do”

A lot had happened in the split second that had just passed by. She was too surprised to react or even to know the reason behind it. His words were quite mysterious, as they always used to be but somehow, he wasn’t. He had conveyed a lot through his brevity. Everything was perfectly clear as a day sky but still she wasn’t ready to accept the subtlety in which it was said. Regaining herself, she faked a laugh. 

“So, who is the lucky girl?”

But his eyes didn’t make any movement. They were speaking volumes at that very instant, pleading to get understood. Every feature and expression on his face had become motionless and it seemed that his eyes were the only breathing part of his existence. He kept looking at her, without any blink, without any twitch.

“Every golden syllable that crossed our breaths is hanging to my lips, floating inside my eyes. May be I’ll never say, may be you’ll never see” He said

But she could see it. It was right there in his eyes. Every shadow of doubt had been removed when she saw her own reflection glinting inside his watery eyes and she knew that very second what he had meant by those words. Her beauty was beheld in his eyes in a way she could have never imagined.

“Stop joking Ayush, now you are freaking me out. I’m not being able to understand the meaning of your hyperboles”, she said, taking a step backward and avoiding his uncomfortable and piercing gaze.

“Do you really think that I’m joking, Dhwani? And are you being true to yourself when you say that you don’t understand any of what I’m saying?” he said in a voice that was grave and heavy.

She chose to stay silent. She knew that she was lying to him and to herself. His plainness had made her a prisoner in her own mind and there was no escape from it. She was losing every bit of sanity she had managed to hold back until now.

And at last, he said it.

“Yes, Dhwani, I have started loving you. I don’t know the reason myself but I do. And you’re the first and possibly the last girl in this college for whom I’ve had such strong and fierce emotions. I know that I’m putting our friendship at great risk by making this confession but I don’t want to lead my entire life with a trailing regret. From here on, whatever happens, I don’t care because right now, this moment is what matters to me and you, whose presence makes 

it all the more beautiful."

“But why me, of all the girls you’ve met in your life, why me only?”

“Can you ever know the reason why you like a specific color? Why you identify with certain emotions more than anyone else around you? Have you ever tried to figure out what makes you feel connected to someone instantly? No because you can never get to the reasons behind any of them. Some things in life are beyond reasoning and rationality and that is the beauty of them. They don’t need any reason to exist, any definition to be defined. They are 

purposeless yet indispensable.”

“I really don’t know what to say. I’ve never given myself this chance of seeing you in this light. I’ve always liked you as a friend but moving beyond friendship is a thought that never came to pass”

“Love is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice that we all have to make. Sometimes sooner and sometimes later. sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously. But in the end, we all have to answer to its call which is what I’m doing right now. I’m not saying that I’ll love you the most. That is a promise whose practicality is far-fetched but let me assure you that I would love you to the best of my abilities. Now I leave it upon you to respond to its call."

 “You’ve given me a tough choice to make. All that you have said is perhaps right but all these matters seem too complicated to me. I have a lot of friends and all of them are so important and special to me that I fail to understand the necessity or compulsion of having someone who is beyond this mold”

“Then maybe it is time for you to break your molds and see what lies ahead. Having a companion will not lessen your ties with your friends even by an ounce. In fact, companionship is a ripened product of a true friendship. The line of distinction is very thin and it’s up to the people whether they are able to understand that and preserve both of them or not. It’s not every day that love knocks on your doors but when it does, take a step forward and accept what it has to offer because today you might not need it but later in your life, when you do, it might be too late. Like time, love is also transient. It is as sensitive in its nature as it is rare. It bestows its bliss only upon the people chosen by it and the others spend their entire lives in an eternal and an unsatiated yearning for it”

She was listening in rapt attention to his every word. For the first time in her life may be, all that had looked incomprehensible to her was staring in her eyes, deeply and dangerously simplified. She was lost in a deep introspection and her eyes were darting frantically here and there. No matter how unwelcoming or uncomfortable it was, there was no denial that everything Ayush had said made perfect sense.

“It bestows its bliss only upon the people chosen by it and the remaining spend their entire lives in an eternal and unsatiated yearning for it”

She was gripped by those words that refused to die down inside her mind. Had she been really indifferent to love and its pull? She certainly wanted to be loved but wasn’t ready for it at the time. Yet, there was a possibility that she might never be able to find out what it is to love and to be loved. What if that really happens?

They both were walking now, on a taut string of silence that was disturbed by Ayush.  

“I hope you can think it over while having an ice cream”, he spoke with a sudden lightness in his voice.

“Thank you but I think I’ll pass” she said, still lost in some far away thoughts

“Are you angry or upset with me?” he asked

“No. Just that I don’t feel like having it. You go ahead. I’ll take a bite from yours”

“You sure about that because I don’t like people who take a bite from my ice cream and FYI, I’m paying.” He said with a wink.

“Well, Mr. Ayush then it’s time for you to break your mold and make this one time exception. And FYI, I know that you are paying”, she replied with a smile

And they both laughed. It seemed like the birth of a new dawn after a long, long night. The past Ninety minutes had changed and redefined many meanings for both of them. It’s every tick, as long as a decade, was now an inseparable part of both of their lives which had intertwined for that frame and given them a goblet of beautiful memories for their entire life.

Spotting an ice cream van nearby, Ayushmaan went over to buy an ice cream. When he came back, she insisted on leaving as it was 10 already and she was getting late for home as was evident from the relentless calls from her home. He knew that he could not make her stay any further irrespective of how much he wanted her to. He offered to drop her home to which she agreed after a mild protest.

When they reached near her home, she said that she would go alone from thereon. The mere thought of separation had evoked an unprecedented fear in him and now it was time to face the moment he had been dreading the most.

“So, I guess here we part our ways. Thanks for the wonderful evening.” She said with a suppressed shade of sadness in her voice.

“Yes, I guess so. Thank you for gifting me some of the most beautiful moments of my life 

which I would never be able to forget”

“Goodnight, Ayush.”

“Goodnight, Dhwani. Give me a call when you reach home”

“I shall. Bye”

“Bye”

He stood there for some moments until he could no longer see her shadow and hear her footfalls. And when he could not see her, he turned around and started walking back.

As he looked up in the sky, the night was entering into its youth and a crescent shaped Moon had appeared like some beautiful pendant on its neck.

For a moment, he felt that the moon was actually smiling at him and a distant star glittered just then, as if it had winked at him and a few words conjured themselves up in the shape of a poem

The restlessness of waves and their longing for moon

A silent witness of which is the solitary shore

Drenched with a taste and hope that they’ll come soon

Forever in incomplete embrace, when did it ask for more?

Always content with a handful of oysters left behind

As souvenirs of a brevity, plain, wet and white

Hopeful that its voice will resonate across until the waves find

And rush for an eternal rendezvous despite the moonlight.

                                                                   

                                                                                  *

 One can never get to know what happened between Ayushmaan and Dhwani after that. What was her reply to him, I don’t know and truly speaking, I don’t find the need of it because somewhere within each and every one of us, there live an Ayushmaan and a Dhwani who awaken us to the voice of our hearts and guide us to the path of love and make us believe in one fact that irrespective of the outcome, the mere presence of it can make every moment of life more beautiful. Love makes us less cynical and more certain about all the goodness on this Earth and everyone should undergo the mystical and magical journey of it

And we all have a unique story having a unique flavor to it. Different stories have different endings but tales like these are never meant to end because they never really originated from anywhere. They had been there always and would always be. Just like eternity, unborn yet immortal. Only the characters would change but the stories would live on forever. And I hope that you also find your story very soon.

Oh btw, she ate away half of his ice cream.

On the tip of Grass

The man is not ready to believe the fact there the land belongs to mankind. It Is not too cheap to be traded with money, not too big to be divided into boundaries, not too strong endure the eternal atrocities it’s being inflicted upon.  The heart of the land is in tears and not surprisingly in the hue of crimson. Because we have made it force down an endless ocean of blood. Human blood. Blood dripping out of the shriek of a mother who has just lost her only son while fighting for the land he was told belongs to him and is still waiting for his ashes. Blood leaking out of the stone cold eyes of a small child whose father was shot down this evening only because he chose and believed that the path of righteousness and responsibility for the same would one day reign above everything. And also blood oozing out through the vagina of a dead virgin girl who was raped in a car seven years ago and later tortured to the level that she begged on her knees for her death. I can see that the sky has shed its usual colors and wrapped itself up in the perpetual color of red. Or maybe the sky is just a mirror making a streak of reflection about what is happening under. May be.

Now a days it is becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish between morning and dark. The sun and the moon all look the same to me. My eyes too are smothered in a monochrome. I’m not blind I’m simply color blind. And the blindness is the greatest gift of me to myself. Now I can’t tell which is blood and which is water. Which is selfishness and which is selflesness. Which is love and which is hatred. Which is murder and which is martyrdom. I have let the reins of my sense of judgment to a few people whom I thought were most eligible to manage but not to rule my land. I have traded my conscience to a void that is dreamless and emotionless. In that void, I can’t see through but there is absolutely no hint or trace of the rainbow of my imaginations. My perspective about the rising tomorrow of the land I still think is connected to me invisibly through some umbilical cord. No, nothing. Just a piercing and deafening scream of jet blackness. It’s giving me a great consolation for the irrevocable sin I have committed. I have in my fist a handful of the ashes of my soul I had burnt long ago. I can feel absolute numbness in my limbs because my heart doesn’t simmer me anymore with the deluge of affection. I’m dying naked with this chill. But I don’t know the pain of death. May be I’m dead a long time back or may be that I was never ever alive.  Dreams have turned into hallucinations and realities into nightmare. Are my eyes closing due to the undeniable and unforgiving syringe of death or opening from a long slumber I had?

I’m floating in air, at the intersection of life and death, the middle junction between the earth and the sky. Now the hands of my brothers, mothers, sisters or friends can never reach to me. Now their voices are blurring into an oblivion and their convergence is only a meek decibel star I can see that is too weak to lighten me again. I’m being catapulted away from every lovely imagery of life I’ve ever known or felt. The air gushing past me feels burning hot. And mingling with the cold sensation of my body, it is giving birth to a painful contrast. But I’m too dead to experience it.  Thank God.

But it’s far better than the pain to see your land surrendering so helplessly to the guns, tanks, mortars and money of a bunch of people. The shameless and the disgusting undressing of my land by self proclaimed protectors of its dignity. Ironical but true. Trust me, it’s way better than the pain of being an unemotional witness to a carnage than protesting against it. And that’s why I’ve picked up the trajectory of ignorance to elude that pain. My indifference is the only refuge from the siege of my ideologies, perceptions and experience with truth which have been bitter and shattering to say the least.

And that is the only reason why I believe that I can never be as common as the people around me are.

Girls to get 77.5% reservation in all medical and engineering colleges

Acting to the long standing complaints by boys of engineering and medical colleges, HRD minister Kapil Sibbal has announced that from next year onwards, 77.5% of seats would be reserved for girls in every engineering and medical institution. While rolling out the radical changes here at a press conference in Delhi, Mr. Sibbal said that the decision was taken because of the exponential drop in the percentage of girls seeking admissions in these colleges and the consequent rise in the number of suicide cases by boys whose last words have somewhat been on the lines of “Jeete ji main tumhara na ho saka shayad maut humein ek kar de” and “Aashiq tera ja raha hai yeh duniya chhorkar, bewafa tu jo chali gayi mujhse munh mod kar”. With himself being a wannabe poet, Mr. Sibbal couldn’t help plagiarizing a few of the lines and incorporate them into his upcoming autobiography “Main shaayar badnaam” which he said would be introduced in the curriculum of Ninth standard onwards from next year which would chronicle his journey from Harvard to HRD in a poetic manner. “I hope it inspires millions of today’s youth who see me as a role model and their icon”, Mr. Sibbal said with his trademark lopsided, broad smile. Although his wink while making this statement still remains a mystery to all.

In addition to this, every engineering and medical student would be given CDs of Shah Rukh Khan movies so that the guys can learn how to make any girl succumb to their charms by some really powerful romance packed lines. However, this action of the HRD has irked Mr. Salman Khan who is said to be the ace rival of Mr. Shah Rukh Khan. The former has gone on record by saying, “ladkiyaan Lux saabun se nahaane ya sarson kay kheton me gaane se nahi, gym mein paseena baha kar body banaane se pat ti hain.”

Taking a cue from Mr. Anna Hazare, the boys of engineering and medical colleges had earlier threatened to go on fast unto death until their demands were met with immediate effect. A representative of the student’s union said that they were fed up of having to undergo the trauma of seeing the pictures of their DU friends perpetually surrounded by “hot chicks” with “pouted lips and protruding hips” on Facebook. “.We are even more pained when we see pretty girls uploading pictures with their dogs. It makes us feel insecure and less significant despite being the baton holders of nation’s growth and development. Those are the moments we seriously wish that we also had furs and could do “wow wow” in their tongue. Sometimes we feel as if the pictures carry an implicit message saying “HAHA! NOW WHO’S HAVING THE LAST LAUGH, YOU NERDY BITCH.” Now we will no longer put up to the insult and embarrassment caused to us for being simply technically inclined. It is not our fault that while they were busy applying expensive shampoos to their hair, we were plucking off ours solving some mammoth algebraic equations” Another said.

But Mr. Hazare for whom hunger strike is almost like a profession and in a bid to eliminate any surfacing competition, has suggested a brilliant middle path for the libido ridden techies. Now the boys are all set to launch a nationwide ‘Poke unto death’ in which a girl would be poked on Facebook until the time she accepts to be a friend of the guy poking her. There have been instant reactions of shock, disbelief and disgust by many girls across the nation citing that it is their democratic right to decide who to befriend and who to reject. “This is outrageous and so undemocratic. I mean, we can’t be held at siege like this by some low-on-confidence-high-on-testosterone maniacs. It is not our fault that while we were shampooing our hair to get noticed, those fools were staring at their books with lust in their eyes and drool in their mouths for some stupid equations.” an infuriated girl said.

To this, the guys responded by yelling slogans like “I’m Anna” and “Bharat humaari maata hai, humein bhi romance karna aata hai” and said, “If Anna can do it so can we”.

Manmohan Singh to go on hunger strike from 16 August

 As the team Anna is rapidly soaring up in the popularity charts of all the leading newspapers for its crusade against corruption, Manmohan Singh has sent shock waves in the political circles by announcing that he would be sitting on an indefinite fast starting from the morning of 16 August.  Dr. Singh said that he was deeply hurt by being called ‘Silencer’ by people from all the sections of society and would be dragging Raju Hirani to court because his ‘idiot’ic movie had given people one more name to call him with. While no response has been received from Sonia Gandhi, Congress spokesman Manish Tiwari said that it’s all a “dramebaaji” to prove that he is as strong and respected in the party as Madamji. He also went on to add further that once Rahul baba was done with his ‘Padyatras’ and ‘Bhaashanbaaji’, Manmohan Singh would be very quickly and swiftly forgotten despite being the most educated Prime Minister ever. 


“Education earns no rewards, scandals do” said Mr. Suresh Kalmadi, the former OC of Commonwealth games, currently serving in Tihar jail with a mouthful of ‘Samosa’. “Look at me, I’m no rocket scientist like A.P.J. Abdul Kalam and yet I’ve got bigger house, greater wealth and more cars than him. Where is education required in politics? In fact, the less educated you are, the more chances you stand to get a ticket. Anyway, my best blessings are with Manmohan ji. After all, he also played a significant part in making me the next Hugh Hefner of India. And if he ever feels hungry or tired, he’s more than welcome to have a full course meal with me and the Jail superintendent. The gates of my cell are always open for him”  

The media advisors of PM were said to be in the middle of talks and negotiations with Amir khan to give the campaign a Bollywoodish boost but he has very politely refused because he doesn’t want to earn the wrath of Maratha Manhoos who had vandalized the theatres while the screening of ‘Rang De Basanti’ because of his candid statements on the issue of Narmada. Disappointed, they have finally zeroed down to Rakhi Sawant who says that that she would take this noble cause to another level by performing a sleazy item number to attract more audience and supporters and give a tough competition to Baba Ramdev who had managed to capture the imagination of many people by performing a running item number in a ‘Saree’.

On hearing the news, Pranab Mukhrejee, the unofficial troubleshooter of UPA immediately swung into action and was reported to be entering 7, Race Course Road with a wagon full of pizzas, pastas, macaronis and various other Italian dishes as a last bid attempt to save the face of the party. But this action of him backfired severely when Dr. Singh became even more agitated at the sight of them and threw them high up in the air. Aajtak and India TV nabbed the images of the spinning pizza and reported that alien ships or UFOs were circling above the PM’s residential compound. The situation could be resolved only when Manmohan Singh was served with ‘Sarso ka saag’ and ‘Makki ki roti’. Needless to say neither India TV nor Aajtak apologized for the UFO news for they still believed that they were indeed UFOs.

The PM has been flooded with calls from all over the world at the drop of this news. Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari has promised that he would even send Miss Hina Rabbani Khar along with the fresh delegation of specially trained terrorists, once again to India to woo the Indian PM and persuade him to change his decision. British PM David Cameron said that he would personally see that Alastair Cook is not selected for any of the upcoming series against India and has even offered Kohinoor diamond back to where it really belongs. Chinese President has also taken a step forward and assured that he would be calling back all the cheap medicines, toys and electronic items that are preventing the growth of Indian economy.

But despite all the efforts, the PM is said to be adamant on going to a fast because now he believes that in a country of deaf, one who remains silent is called Manmohan Singh.

Your eight steps guide to modern English

1.    Mah: At first, it sounds like the vehement bleating sound of a goat whose tail has just been plucked off. Then it reminds me of the hard and loud burp, fuelled by the large swig of soft drink, shooting out of stomach to blow all the smiles off our enemies’ faces. But on deeper introspection, it is an illegitimate and disfigured off spring of the traditional ‘My’ fathered by the SMS and messenger user generation to communicate with one another easily. However, the one thing that still baffles me is that despite being greater in word length, why is it preferred over its old fashioned mother?

2.    Kewl: The second one in the family and very innocently rhyming with mule. Gone are the days when on witnessing something really whacky, we used “How cool that is”. Instead things are now kewling off to something that is beyond my comprehension for it bears no resemblance whatsoever at all from its root word which might as well be thought to be included in the Latin lexicon for its increasing lack of usage in modern times. In fact they are as close to each other as Mike Tyson endorsing a fairness cream. Still, you must know it to be kewl.

3.    Cole: Ok, until recently, the only Cole I knew was Cheryl Cole for obvious reasons. I never had even an iota of inkling that due to her popularity amongst men, the parallel English societies were deciding to make her name immortal by very subtly replacing it for ‘Call’. I hope when they bring out the official Dictionary of their work, they have a bikini clad picture of Cheryl Cole alongside saying ‘Cole me’. If not anything, even the Chinese people will also buy it and make some unconscious contribution to the flagging economy.

4.    TQ: When I first came across this word, I was as surprised as any old user of English would be. It was like giving an IPhone to a person still spinning in the round dial of old age telephones. Still, when I recovered from the blow, I expected it to be somehow related to Intelligence Quotient (IQ). But it was not, at least not to that of mine. A very kind gentleman, getting a whiff of my predicament told me that it was being used for ‘Thank you’. So finally Shakespear could shove his brutal Thy, thine, thou and the many other words which make an embarrassing spitting sound whenever spoken up his nose. Touched by the gentleman’s warm gesture, I could not help but uttering, “TQ Sire”.

5.    Cum: Are you kidding me? Cum on to the next one.

6.    Congo: Imagine a man with his shirt on but nothing below the waist. I know the mere imagination sight is more than disgusting (Of course, had it been Jessica Alba we would have merrily wished this imagination to turn into reality). Same goes with this word. Often used for the expression of one’s good wishes on someone’s accomplishment, it is a semi naked version of ‘Congratulations’. I can’t help but draw an analogy between this poor word and Draupadi for both of them are the victims of being stripped of their clothing by the society for no apparent reason. Alas! There are no Krishnas in this age to savage it and moreover, the Sarees are so costly these days that even the Lord would have to lend money from China as it’s the only rich daddy left on Earth.    

7.    Ssup: It is a word thrown at the face of all those people who considered that making a sound while sipping your tea amounted to bad mannerism. According to my knowledge of this form, all the “Hey! How are you? How is it going?” have been compressed to the four letters abbreviation which looks no less than the name of some Government service examination. Now MTV tells me that it finds its utility more amongst the tilted cap wearing dudes with chains dangling all over from clothes twice or even thrice their actual size probably picked up in a jiffy from a store up on a clearance sale. Some desi grapevine doing the rounds in political circles is that it is a special code word that expands as ‘Sweet spirited Uttar Pradesh’ to be used as the party slogan of BSP in the upcoming state assembly elections. And all the people who publicize and popularize this word would be awarded with their larger than life statues in the middle of the road. Now which one of them is true, I have no idea.

8.    K: Such a sweet and simple word..and the most taken for granted as well. From the taunts of grumpy and sexually frustrated mother in laws to their daughter in laws (Kalmoohi, kulta etc) to the way of agreeing or saying ‘OK’. But this OK is a thing of past now. Its existence has been totally wiped out or better KO(Knocked out). Now there is either K or Okkkk. It’s rather funny that the latter version reminds me of the King of farts..err I mean hearts who redefined and revolutionized this word while saying(at last) “Kkkkkiran”. Anyway, I’m somewhat uncomfortable in using this form. Or in other words, I’m not K with it. So I’ll just stick to the basics. And yes, I do hope that all the SRK fans are okkkk with me for taking a harmless dig at him.

The Last Goodbye-A tribute to my Alma Mater

The gates are opened once again. After a span of four years in my college, I truly realized the dimensions of this gate.What there was behind it and what lies beyond it. It seems like it has been laid open to the embrace of a new batch with the farewell to the last one. Yes, the roads, the gardens, the buildings, the statue, the commotion and the rush are still the same. For the first time I’m realizing how beautiful, how exquisite and how free they are. The late evening breeze sweeping past me leaves its silhouettes in the bright ochre light of the street lamps in whose dimness I’ve seen my shadows many times while taking the evening strolls.

Today’s shadow is also moving along with me. But it seems that it doesn’t want to go with me. In silent whispers it is pleading me to let go of it. To go back or rather run back to the classrooms, to quickly climb up the stairs that lead to the various labs we hated to go once. To escape away to hostel room and snuggle inside the bed for catching a carefree sleep. To rush to boring lectures that worked as the perfect sleeping pill for us but still we went just for the sake of attendance. To the lush lawns of Nescafe and parking on whose green grass blades, we’ve spent countless hours just discussing some of the most stupid things and some of the most useful ones. To the shades of the canopies and sit again with a cup of coffee in one hand and writing a practical file from another. To the ever bustling and vibrant admin whose winds are always more than welcoming and soothing to the soul.

But I can’t grant that one time wish of my heart. The roads are jogging past and I have to catch up with them that lead to a new life I’m going to embark. I feel more than helpless today. One part of me is taking me forward and one part of me is pulling me backward. The dilemma is too strong and gripping to be overcome by my logical engineering mind.

The ropes of the future are pulling me to a mirage of tomorrow. I can imagine myself sitting in a wonderful AC office with a wide window on one of the side walls that opens to the vastness of the blue color of ocean. Wearing an expensive suit taking decisions that would change the course of many fields in this country. To be a famous actor, to be a well known dancer, to be the Booker prize winner author, to be the highest respected scientists and economists and what not. The lure of money is too strong to resist and I find myself attracted to it. I have a big car, a beautiful house, a loving wife and wonderful children. Today I’m happy, more than I could ever have thought of. My professional life is running smooth and my family expectations are more than satisfactory and elating. I’m extremely happy with the way my life is going. Nothing is wrong at all. Nothing. But somewhere through some of the most dusty corners and dingy paths of brain, a tiny trace of a memory branches out. The trace that connects the present and the future. The trace of past.

My past here in this very campus whose four years were some of the best years of my life, The most wonderful moments of my existence. A place where I’ve truly been shaped into a crucible that can be filled with different colors of life. The raods have walked with me with my every mood. Which have never left me in my triumphs or in my defeats. The walls that have protected me from the searing heat of april to the chilly mornings of January. The leaves that danced with wildly with me and my every step and stride when I got my first job. But surprisingly, I'm noticing these things for the first time in Four years. 

And my past in the echoes of the loudest laughter while sitting with my best friends. The ones who have engineered a permanent place in the heart. A place that can never be shared or replaced with. A past which is filled with sweet and sour snapshots of the rainbows of memories of my best friends. Rainbows on which we are sliding downwards and then coming upward are running around me. But through all the ups and downs, they are still standing beside me like a rock and preventing me from falling down. In this one, they are faking a mocking smile just because I have cracked a very bad joke or bursting into an uproar just because I was at the best of my wit. The contorted and anger brimming faces before breaking into a fight to the white embarrassed countenances thinking over about who would say sorry first are so clear in this one are still vivid in front of me eyes.

Those honey filled voices coming straight from the house of the lord when you are absolutely beaten up and down in life. The only hands that outstretched to you when you’d fallen into an unexpected pit of a plan gone badly wrong . The thunderous deliberate pats that they lovingly gave coming from behind your back just to surprise or irritate you. The strong tug that pulled you out of the classroom while you wanted to attend the lecture but finally relented to the temptation of another hour of gossiping. Their mouths are all stuffed up with the aloo paranthas that one of them bought and all of them made it disappear with a quick swish of their fingers. The brim of the one coffee or ice tea mug that still carries the indelible lip marks of all of us is also lying somewhere unattended. On the sight of the girl I liked but never told her, they are whisteling and giving me furtive and mischevious glances and in suppressed tones are telling me to approach and talk to her. In the strings of myriad songs that we sang together loudly or in a hush are still resounding very clearly in my head, I try to search for that one single moment that was the best and the most amazing. But I badly fail in this futile pursuit because each second with them was the best and the most cherishing time of my lifetime of yet. I can’t distinguish between bright and somber memories. They all are tiny but luminous glitters of a wave whose ends are tickling me to a nostalgic laughter.

The sky above is still free and boisterous. And my shadow is still lurching backward again and again. So before it clings back to the hypnotic and ecstatic yesterdays, I must dig it into the deepest corner of my existence.  The clock is slowly ticking away and the life is coming to the completion of a circle. A circle that started four years ago from this very college gate and is ending today at the same place only. A place which has made me what I am today and given me the opportunity to become what I would be tomorrow.

And as I start walking towards the gate for the last time, I somewhere have the hope and desire to come back at this magical place just to relive the joyous days of my life once again. Thank you NSIT.